最怪诞的10本指南书籍[2]
5. How to Start Your Own Country
《如何建立你自己的国家 》
If there is anyone, that has enough time and money to invest in starting his/her own country, I’d love to meet him/her. Even better, I’d love to meet the person that sat down and had enough time to write a book surrounding the idea of creating a country. For one, a country isn’t “created” by just one person; and two, land is always readily available, the only part that is started is a name.
要是有人有足够的时间和金钱来投资建设他自己的国家，我可真想见见他。不过我更想见的是怀着怎样建立王国这种念头闲的蛋疼有空坐下来写书的人。首先，国家不是仅由一个人“创造”的，其次，总要有空地，唯一能创建的部分，就只有国家的名字而已。
4. How to Pee Standing Up
《怎样站着小便》
Apparently, being a girl and being able to pee while standing up is “hip.” I didn’t know women were looking to be more like men. I thought that whole individualism thing was still alive and well today. Would feminists frown or be happy about this book? Peeing standing up gives us one more privilege a man has!
显然，作为一个女生并且能够在站立时小便是“很时尚的”。我倒是不知道女人想要变得更像男人。我想一定是如今个人主义精神健在并且蓬勃发展。女权主义者对对此书皱眉还是开心呢？站着小便又给了我们一项男人的特权！
3. How to Speak Cat
《怎样和喵星人谈话》
Speaking cat isn’t hard, mainly because cats generally don’t listen. Who’d invest their time trying to understand an animal that isn’t even seen most of the time? If you wanted to understand all of the different mews and sounds that come from your cat’s mouth, this is the book for you.
和猫谈话不难，主要是因为猫咪们根本没在听你的。谁会把时间投入到试图理解一种一天到晚见不着几回的动物身上？如果你想理解你家猫咪所有不同的喵喵声和其他叫声，此书正合适。
2. How to Survive a Robot Uprising
《如何从机器人起义中活下来》
This seems like a useless book to me. In order for robots to rise up, they’d need to have some sort of control. However, those little things called remote controls, come very in handy to control a robot. Surviving a robot uprising would include the click or switch of a button. Tough! I guess if you’re a sci-fi kinda guy you’d enjoy this book.
这本书看着对我来说屁用没有。为了使机器人起义，它们还得受一些控制。然而，这些小机关叫做远程控制，控制机器人迟早有用。从机器人起义中生存下来将会包括点击或开关按钮。如果你是科幻小说迷，应该会享受此书。
1. How to Become a Schizophrenic
《怎样变成精神分裂症患者》
I didn’t know people actually could, and would want to “become” schizophrenic. Nothing like being able to allow yourself to become one who hears voices. However, I guess, maybe, it’s something worth experiencing. Who knows. On the brighter side, this book does provide many theories as how one becomes a schizophrenic. How to Become a Schizophrenic
我不知道人可以，或者想要“变成”精神分裂症患者。这又不是什么像使你自己能够听见声音这种正面的事情。不过，我想这可能值得体验，谁知道呢。从光明的一面来说，这本书确实提供了不少如何精神分裂的理论。
（来源：译言网 编辑：丁一）
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