爆笑幽默精选英语笑话

　　Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕

　　Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?

　　Mom: Certainly — take this piece and cut it two!

　　汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?

　　妈妈：当然可以—-拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧

　　空座位

　　Boy: Is this seat empty?

　　Girl: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

　　男孩：这个座位是空的么?

　　女孩：是的，如果你坐下，我的座位也将是空的。

　　超速的司机A Speeding Motorist

　　A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. “Don’t you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?” he demanded.

　　”Yes, sir,” replied the driver.

　　”Then why didn’t you pull over immediately?”

　　”I would have, officer, ” the man said. “But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.

　　一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗?”他责问道。

　　“知道，长官，”司机回答说。

　　“那你为什么不立即靠边停车?”

　　“我本来想这样做的，长官。”那男子回答说，“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”

　　你是怎么发财的?

　　How did you make your fortune?

　　I became the partner of a rich man. He had the money and I had the experience.

　　How did that help?

　　Now he has the experience and I have the money.

　　我变成一个富人的合伙人，他有钱，我有经验。

　　那有什么用?

　　现在他有经验了，我有钱。

　　Quick Cleanup快速清扫

　　Unexpected guests were on the way, and my mother, an impeccable housekeeper, rushed around straightening up. She put my father and brother to work cleaning the guest bathroom. Later, when she went to inspect it, she was surprised that the once-cluttered room had been tidied up so quickly. Then she saw the note on the closed shower curtains. It read “Thank you for not looking in the bathtub.”

　　不速之客就在路上，我妈妈，一个完美的家庭主妇，正忙里忙外地整理。她分配给我爸和我哥哥的任务是打扫供客人使用的浴室。一会儿之后，当她去检查的时候，她吃惊了，曾经一度杂乱的房间瞬间就被打扫干净了。接着她看到浴帘上有一张纸条，纸条上写着：“谢谢你没往浴缸里看。

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